I just got a lovely text from a girl in my mothers group, she wanted to thank me for something I said to her last week when we caught up with the bubbas. I Told her that apart of being a good mum was being able to financially provide for our children as well as being there for them. She was feeling horribly guilty. She had just gone back to work after a year off raising her gorgeous little boy and was feeling like in a way she is failing him or letting him down. He was hysterical when she dropped him at childcare and she could barely hold it together for the entire first week back. The poor thing I felt horrible for her, Parenting seems to be all about the toughest decisions, and for us mums we still feel guilty regardless of the decisions we make. Am I here for him enough?, Does she feel like I have abandoned her?, When we’re tying controlled crying does he hate me? Even though the decisions we make are in attempt to make their little lives better, we always experience an internal struggle and then feel horribly guilty forever about it.
My mum used to say to me when I was a child, Being a parent is one big guilt trip. I HATED it! It used to make me feel like It was my fault that mum didn’t like being a mum, but even though she did say it in a rather abrasive way, I do understand what she meant now that I myself am a mum. Its not a guilt trip because that implies that we (me and my sisters) intentionally and probably unnecessarily made her feel guilty. Its not that our children make us feel guilty we just do because what our babies want and what is good for them are usually completely the opposite. Even what we want for our children and what is best can be different for example I hate being away from Max, I miss him so much even for an hour but is it better for his confidence and independence if he was to be in childcare once a week purely for socialisation? Probably, but who knows! I feel guilty that we have chosen to have one parent as a stay at homer because we would be in a far better financial situation if both of us worked. But at the same time I couldn’t leave max Id be completely useless at anything because he is the only thing on my mind!
Guilt is a funny thing. I think that being a parent is all about making tough deciosions that we can stick to, its not a constant guilt trip if we can back ourselves and support each other when we are having a weak moment. We should be confidant because I guess at the end of the day no one knows whats best for our babies but us hey! I hope I can find the balance soon!
Itching to do something creative?
I Cut up Mag after Mag, to add to a collage of pictures I have collected, aptly named My Mood Boards. Not because they reflect my mood at all. Thats a lie they do. They are supposed to help me create my dream home. I DONT HAVE A DREAM HOME. In-fact I don’t have a home at all. We are RRRenters. I hate it.
Never the less I have accumulated around 25 different mood boards that include anything from intricate decorating ideas to where I can find the perfect slab of marble for my dream splash back in my dream kitchen. I would kill to buy a house right now. My Fiance is probably ready to bludgeon me to death with my mood boards because its all I ever talk about. I don’t care.
So this past weekend was spent in regional victoria. Bendigo to be precise. On the hunt for the perfect home. I figure it will be easier to break into the stupid housing market in regional victoria because, you know, everything is cheaper. (except that he will have to spend 15 hours a week on the train and lots of $$$ on his Myki) But I have him convinced this is the only way it is possible for us to start paying off our own asset rather than someone else’s for once. I have family in Bendigo anyway so I will be able to get a part time jobby (if I am a completely different person by then and I can actually leave my baby. I doubt it)
Regardless of our dire financial situation, I am completely obsessed with ‘Playing House’ I have even booked a mortgage broker to come over Saturday to tell us yet again than we do not in-fact qualify for a loan. from any financial institution. anywhere in the world. It should be an interesting meeting. I have even organised for Jakes parents to be there in case max isn’t to keen on listening to some stranger bat on about mortgage insurance and stamp duty. And lets be honest they may as well know about exactly how much money we earn and what not its not like they don’t already think we could never achieve anything on our own.
The Block has started for another year thank god. I was starting to get into the big bang theory. I wish I could go on the Block but I have no idea who the hell my partner would be seeings as Jake can barely open a jar and I quite obviously am no builder. anyway its on so Bye!
0 – 100 in 6 seconds. Thats my boy. He has an incredibly short fuse that happens to be incredibly easy to light.
I shouldn’t insinuate that a lid that wont go on or a puzzle piece that he cant get to fit isn’t a big deal because it probably is in his world, he is only 13 months old.
I wanted to know if it was normal for littlies to be so fiery, incidentally he has been like it since birth. My textbook didn’t give me much (Kid wrangling by Kaz Cooke) so I’m embracing it. At least he knows what he wants, I just have to figure out how to teach him how to get what he wants (Id love to say him throwing things doesn’t currently work. It does. Especially when we’re in the shops and he does the dramatic dummy throw and instantaneous scream to let me know that he’d lost his dummy.
enjoy the pictures.
I often get asked if my Fiance is the father of our child. I have come to realise that it is a common for people who see a young couple with a child to assume that because they look young they firstly mustn’t be engaged or married and secondly and more offensive that the man probably isnt the father of the baby.
I don’t know the statistics but I sure as hell am going to find out. Regardless of what is commonly believed to be the norm, Young Mums and Dads deserve the same respect (if not more) as parents in their 30′s because believe it or not, not only do we face the exact same pressures of raising a baby, we also have to prove ourselves whilst doing it. Prove to our family’s, friends and complete stranges that we can raise a child against the obstacles like lack of finances as we are only at the beginning of our careers and therefore on a lower wage than new parents in their 30′s.
The one thing that I truly cannot stand, even more than passive-aggressive and snide comments by family members, is lectures by complete strangers. I was out to lunch with some friends two days ago when a couple in their 60′s came over to inform me that ‘the more you put into your children the more you get out’ then going on to profess that the female was very good with children and could teach my Fiance and myself a thing or two if we would like. I was so offended that I just smiled and thanked the gentleman for his concern. Looking back I wish I had put him firmly back into his place. I am a great Mum and My Fiance an even better Dad. Everything we do is to better our Sons life. AGhhh the stigma associated with being a young mums kills me it is just so incorrect.
enough said hey… eughhh so its now spring, and my winter coat, which is more coating than desired, hasn’t even thought about shifting.
I have been on and off ‘clean eating’ and exercising since the birth of my son Max, I say on and off because as pathetic as it is i keep giving my self little ‘breaks’ from this healthy lifestyle. ‘Oh its winter, your supposed to put on a bit of chub in winter’, i hear myself say… cough. ‘Dont worry il start being healthy again on monday’ mmmmhhm.
Its so funny how in my head I’m this healthy, active, clean eating mum, who works for Lorna Jane one of the biggest supporters and encourages of the active lifestyle, and yet in reality I eat sweets every week and cant shift my coffee addiction. lets be honest I haven’t actually been to the gym in weeks because I am waiting for the new better leisure enter down the road to open. Yep.
I shouldn’t even blog about my weight-loss journey because its going to be a huge disappointment when in a months time i realize i have actually found a few extra kg’s. Seeings as i am running very low on excuses, i figured better face up to reality, As y nephew would put it ‘BOOOOORRRING’ rolling the RRRR on his tongue for emphasis.
It is actually difficult to exercise with Max. he is very clingy at the moment (having just hit 8 months) i definitely could sneak off to the gym every night when Jake gets home. but we dont need to admit that. I am in serious denial!! and in need of help.
How bad is that feeling when you have just had some photos printed and you sit down with a cup of coffee to have a look through them… YOU THE BIGGEST ONE IN ALL OF THE PICTURES! its horrible and considering I was once one of the smallest im feeling it big time. PUT DOWN THAT CHOCOLATE BAR and get off the couch girly!!