This morning I found myself loading Max into the car stressed out of my mind with the poor thing crying his lungs out.
Before having a baby I would never have imagined the severity of a 5 month old missing his morning sleep. He had been awake for around 2 and 1/2 hours! which is an hour longer than he usually can bear. So as you can imagine he was hysterical. Not only does my son fight with all his might to keep his peepers open he also freaks out when I carry him into his room (he is to smart for his own good) knowing that I am about to tuck him in and eventually leave him to sleep. So after an hour of back and forth with him crying and settling (once we left is room) I found my self in the situation above.
Driving around the streets with my bedsocks and Pj’s on, might I add on this FREEZING cold morning (I sleep in summer jamie shorts and a singlet) brrrrrrrrr. Max eventually settled but i was to scared to pull into the driveway in-case he recognized his surroundings and lost it again. So we continued to drive untill I decided that I was being a massive enabler (I watch to much Doctor Phil), and started questioning my ability to parent… what if he gets into drugs in his teenage years and I am still an enabler and I knowingly give him money, playing ignorant because I don’t want him to owe drug dealers money!?. STOP IT. I am over reacting again. I think? DR. Phil?
anyway moral of the story, I never know what is best for my baby while he is still baby, so i am just going to continue to ‘do what you gotta do’ and hope that hindsight offers me something. Maybe i will get it right with baby number 2. Doubt it.
My son is a fan of the cat nap during the day, he wont sleep longer than 40 minutes a pop – now I know that he needs at least two sleep cycles ( 2x 40 minutes sessions) and i swear if one more person tries to tell me that i need to ‘re-settle’ him when he wakes up (AS IF I HAVENT TRIED A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE…) I am going to make them ‘re-effing-settle’ him and see how they go with it.
I have been at mothers group this afternoon and as always I have returned home stuffed with more information than a roast chicken. (roast chickens obviously aren’t stuffed with information but my brain has recently been enjoying a temp. leave of absence so please grin and bare it) They always do this to me – the information overload that is – and at a risk of sounding cynical I highly doubt some information to be relevant or even factual sometimes. Today I discovered that not only am I a constant “getting it wrong’ failure of a parent I also have been putting my babies life at risk by connecting his dummy to a dummy chain (honestly if they sell them surely there isn’t actually any proof/history of their apparent danger) It sounds logical that any sort of chain in the neck region of my bubba could pose a risk however he only ever wears it when we are out of the house and due for a sleep (so not that often). The discovery of the Dummy chain was the end of an era for me. A vicious cycle of catch the ditched dummy before it hits any possibly dirty surface and pop it back in Maxis gob whilst preparing for the next ditch. It has become a wonderful and hilarious game for my baby, who just cant get over how funny mum looks diving for her life every single time he spits/chucks the dumdum. what to do? Well I have gotten rid of the chains and purchased extra back up dummies. I have also stopped giving Maxi his dummy if he is not unsettled which seems logical, I don’t no why I haven’t just stopped with it all together hes clearly not really a fan of it.
I truly hope it isn’t just me, I feel like I am in way over my head at the moment. With the ever-daunting question bouncing around in my (rather hollow) head, will I ever amount to anything else? Or will I wear the “Amazing Multitasking Mum” badge for the rest of my life? Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely no shame in wearing that badge, I love being a mum and if life was that simple I would definitely choose to devote the rest of my life to child-rearing . My need to succeed at something else as well as being a fab mummy is a constant itch that I am struggling to scratch.
Why has this become such an issue? You would think if I wanted it bad enough i would go out there, start a business and become one of the (ever increasing) Business-mum Badge-wearing crowd. I always hear my internal voice trying to rationalise why i haven’t yet done anything about it; “your to busy”, “Just focus on raising Max at the moment and worry about your career after” “You have a bad case of mum-brain thats all it will come back when Maxi is older”. these are always shortly followed by the voice of my inner, sightly abusive and righteous, conscience telling me that “Other Mums seem to be inspiring entrepreneurs, why cant you get on that bandwagon?” “Max needs parents who go after their dreams to look up to” “YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF EXCUSES AND PROCRASTINATION!!!”. and so it continues. the Quest to find Myself and what I love to do in a world where everything seems to get in the way (in my head at least anyway) I hope I can get over this victimisation bullshit that I keep falling back to when it all gets a little to much for my sensitive self to bare.
What I really love is reading. Reading everything infact. I would love to be a fountain of knowledge however seeings as I literally forget anything that enters my brain, instantly, at the moment, that seems somehow unlikely. I love Writing, Although I never seem to be able to have any consistency to my blog, I do in-fact love posting. And I do feel I know how to maintain a super successful and interesting Blog with great content and a foundation of devoted readers… I never put any of this into action, and I have no Idea why. (Internal problems!! aghhh)
I also have a relatively new hobby, restoring old furniture. I love it SO much – I am no good of course but that is what hobbies are for, getting better at the things you love!
I need to start Putting all of these things together to create an empire of happiness and wealth – yeah keep dreaming.
OH I have to mention, I was doing a little research on how to become a succesfull Mummy, Business-woman, genius superstar. And I came across this site – It might be worth a read if ya’ll are in the same boat as me.