“Being a parent is a constant guilt trip”

I just got a lovely text from a girl in my mothers group, she wanted to thank me for something I said to her last week when we caught up with the bubbas. I Told her that apart of being a good mum was being able to financially provide for our children as well as being there for them. She was feeling horribly guilty. She had just gone back to work after a year off raising her gorgeous little boy and was feeling like in a way she is failing him or letting him down. He was hysterical when she dropped him at childcare and she could barely hold it together for the entire first week back. The poor thing I felt horrible for her, Parenting seems to be all about the toughest decisions, and for us mums we still feel guilty regardless of the decisions we make. Am I here for him enough?, Does she feel like I have abandoned her?, When we’re tying controlled crying does he hate me? Even though the decisions we make are in attempt to make their little lives better, we always experience an internal struggle and then feel horribly guilty forever about it.
My mum used to say to me when I was a child, Being a parent is one big guilt trip. I HATED it! It used to make me feel like It was my fault that mum didn’t like being a mum, but even though she did say it in a rather abrasive way, I do understand what she meant now that I myself am a mum. Its not a guilt trip because that implies that we (me and my sisters) intentionally and probably unnecessarily made her feel guilty. Its not that our children make us feel guilty we just do because what our babies want and what is good for them are usually completely the opposite. Even what we want for our children and what is best can be different for example I hate being away from Max, I miss him so much even for an hour but is it better for his confidence and independence if he was to be in childcare once a week purely for socialisation? Probably, but who knows! I feel guilty that we have chosen to have one parent as a stay at homer because we would be in a far better financial situation if both of us worked. But at the same time I couldn’t leave max Id be completely useless at anything because he is the only thing on my mind!
Guilt is a funny thing. I think that being a parent is all about making tough deciosions that we can stick to, its not a constant guilt trip if we can back ourselves and support each other when we are having a weak moment. We should be confidant because I guess at the end of the day no one knows whats best for our babies but us hey! I hope I can find the balance soon!

xxxKeep your hat on!

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